I discovered the power of conscious breathing five years ago. Until then, I’d never paid any attention to my breathing. It was just something that happened, in the background, all day, every day. As is so often the case, it was a series of difficult life events that showed me the way.
Back in 2020, my daughter’s severe epilepsy was escalating, my 20-year relationship had broken down and my dad had just died after a series of long illnesses. Meanwhile, the pandemic was unfolding around us all, creating collective anxiety, grief and dread.
I felt overcome by sadness at what I had lost and overwhelmed with fear about my daughter’s health. Mollie was having multiple seizures every night and in the daytime too. They were brutal – both physically and emotionally. Witnessing her pain was hard to bear and I found myself in a permanent state of fight-or-flight, often physically shaking in anticipation of what was to come. I was worried too about the impact of all of this was having on Lenny, Mollie’s younger brother. I was constantly researching new ways to try to help my children and myself – from counselling and meditation, to diet and neurofeedback. I felt panicky and exhausted.
And so, one morning in early autumn, in a moment of desperation, I Googled ‘healer Brighton’. A shamanic worker called George in Rottingdean popped up. It seemed incongruous, but I had nothing to lose! On a whim, I messaged him and the next day I experienced something that would blow open a door to a whole new world that has led me directly to where I am now.
I didn’t really know what to expect. What would he do? I had a vision of me lying there being healed – by the laying on of hands, perhaps, or through some mystical connection beyond my comprehension. Instead, George guided me on a breathwork journey back down my timeline – vivid and real. I understood, on a visceral level, for the first time, that my current feelings were intrinsically linked to my childhood fears over losing Dad, whose health was always precarious.
At the end of my session, I felt different. I had accessed aspects of my psyche that had remained out of reach during talking therapy. I somehow understood myself a little better. This was not about someone ‘fixing’ me. This was an inside job – it was down to me to go within and excavate those buried parts of myself that were making it harder for me to live with the cards I had been dealt in the here and now. I wanted to feel some sense of peace and freedom within the chaos, and I had a strong sense that the breath was my way in.
I started experimenting with different types of conscious breathing and reading books about what the breath can do – how it can help to improve our physical, mental and emotional health. I became fascinated by how the science is catching up the ancient wisdom and spiritual practices. Most of all, the act of conscious breathing seemed to cut through the noise and help me find some moments of relief. Five years on, I continue to be amazed by the simultaneous simplicity of the breath and at how much more there is to learn.
When Mollie had exploratory brain surgery in 2022, slow and quiet breathing helped me access some calm – during the four-hour operation to implant electrodes into her brain and when the treatment to burn away part of the abnormality causing the seizures had to stop because she lost all feeling in her right leg. We left hospital, not knowing if the surgery would have any impact on the seizures, with Mollie needing a zimmer frame to walk.
Incredibly, within weeks she regained most of the use of her leg and – three years later – she is still seizure free. This extraordinary result was not what the specialists and surgeons expected and Mollie’s case has recently been used to teach trainee doctors about what is possible with this type of treatment. As her mum, I know I would not have been able to cope as well with the rollercoaster of uncertainty without tapping into my breath.
With every breath we can access our autonomic nervous system, giving us the power to change our mental and physiological state in seconds. Over time, breathwork has been proven to increase our window of tolerance to stress.
Throughout most of my life, I have worried about things that might or might not happen. Things that were mostly beyond my control. Conscious breathing has changed that. Now, I am able to spend much more time and energy focussing on what is happening right now.
Life still throws up challenges and moments of uncertainty, fear and self-doubt. There are always more layer of the onion to explore. But I am definitely able to enjoy life more. I feel lighter, more confident and more connected compassionate towards myself and others. I do not obsess about what the future holds or cling on to the past. Put simply, there is less anxiety and more joy in my life! I have noticed other shifts too – like a sudden disappearance of my long-standing fear of heights.
I am passionate and excited about sharing everything I have learnt – and continue to learn – about our breath, about how it connects our bodies and our thoughts and so much else beyond.
I would love to welcome you to my studio in Hove or one of my workshops soon.
Daisyx